We all are at least tempted to make resolutions for the New Year. But I wonder how many of those resolutions are self-sources and how many are other-sources. The difference is “ant to” and “ought to.” Those we want to accomplish are usually self-sourced. Those ought to are usually other-sourced.
To make a resolution effective you need two things motivation (reason) and method (plan). Without these two things the chances of success are severely slim. Resolutions are goals but if goals have no power and aren’t measurable they are meaningless.
A resolution cannot be some vague, “makes me feel better,” statement. It must be an, “I will,” statement and needs to be as detailed as possible. This requires a change of or specificity in focus. Usually it means a narrowing of focus. I have made a resolution to avoid refined sugar and weird chemical sugar substitutes. Fundamentally that mean s I have to, “PAY ATTENTION,” to where I am and what I’m doing. I can’t “go with the flow,” when it comes to food anymore. “Just this once,” cannot be an option.
I’m not a big coffee drinker but I like my coffee sweetened. How am I to do this if I am going to forgo refined sugar and its imposters? Well I have to gather information on what I determine are acceptable substitutes and make a commitment to use only them or go without.
You will never fulfill a negative resolution. OK – never is a strong word but committing to not doing something that has been routine does not work well. What one needs to do is develop an alternative – a “do” – and commit to that. Why? The danger of the default.
The danger of the default is present in every “won’t,” “don’t,” “not,” etc. Unless we become obsessively attentive we will, in a moments of distraction or inattention, default back to the behavior that has been our “habit.”
So, you want to make a (or a couple of) resolutions? Great. But make them positive and plan them. Make sure you know what they will require. Make sure you know where the dangers of distraction are. AND, make sure – please – that they are something you really want and are willing to pay the price for.
Make sure you know “how” you are going to work on your resolution. Make sure you have a list of “dos,” as opposed to “don’ts.” You may use a “can’t” (as in I can’t XXXXX because) but stay away from don’ts.
I’d also, if you have multiple resolutions, strongly suggest you prioritize them. Over the course of the coming year we have no idea what we will face. It may well be that a resolution or two become too much of just not possible. Remember, these are things you want to do for you – they have value and meaning – they don’t belong to anyone else. Yes, you can dump one if you choose.
Oh, you don’t have to start all of them at once either. You don’t want to stack the deck so it crushes you. You can start one a quarter – whatever.
Do you tell others of not? Tough issue! My rule of thumb is if someone has information that can help me I may share with them. My wife is a health-anti-refined sugar and substitutes person. So I take advantage of her as a resource. She can pop off a list if healthy substitutes and warn me about products and I won’t have to do all the research. She is a resource, one of the tools at my disposal to accomplish my goal. If someone can’t add substantively to my resolutions I probably won’t share.
Regardless of the “what,” the “how,” is critical. Without a plan that has a firm foundation and a willingness to adapt and stumble along the way we won’t fulfill even our most simple resolutions.
For someone in a position of leading others and with the responsibility of helping them improve, it is imperative that the one needing to make changes is provided with the information, training, encouragement and grace to make those changes. As a leader you have to be able to teach and foster those changes you need from others – if you don’t do this with yourself, you’ll not do it with them.
Time. Yeah, time. If there is no time involved in your resolution there is no imperative. Make your “by xxxx,” gracious. Make sure you understand and acknowledge it may take a little longer. Seek to understand and appreciate the causes of delay and address them. Making changes that resolutions require is not like building with Leggos. It’s complex, affected by clear and obscure elements within and without. Time needs to be generously applied and still carefully monitored.
Have a great new year and – be good to yourself – it will change your life – completely.
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